Tailspin
by SassyAngel05
Summary: Set during Russkie Business. Instead of Logan just leaving with Trina, Duncan and Veronica try to help him. LV undertones. I have more VM stories. They'll probably be up in a couple days...


Title: Tailspin

Author: Sassy

Rating: PG

Pairing: Not any real pairing, though it does lean towards Logan/Veronica.

Show: Russkie Business, Veronica Mars

Genre: Angst, of course.

Summary: Veronica takes Logan away from the dance, not Trina.

**_Tailspin_**

****

Few things shook Veronica Mars' unwavering countenance and personality. After recent events of finding her best friend murdered, her mom disappearing, and the possibility that Keith Mars was not her biological father, nothing could really send her into a tailspin. But holding Logan Echolls in her arms while he cried in a hotel lobby had tossed her into an emotional turmoil that rivaled finding out Duncan just might be her half-brother. She'd seen Logan in many different lights; loving boyfriend, cheater, best friend, class joker, spoiled rich boy, flirter, drunken playmate, and protector. But never had she seen lost, emotionally stunted Logan. Holding him in her arms while he mourned the loss of his mother and the cruelty of his life was a surreal experience for Veronica. Not much in her life would be as odd as that moment. With the exception of seeing Logan doing his best Risky Business impression in the middle of the cheesy school dance.

She didn't really like seeing people laughing at him. Not when that wasn't Logan's intention. Heaven knows that he drew enough attention to himself on purpose. She had a new respect (_as much as that pained her to say_) for the life Logan lived now. She understood a lot more after she'd overheard Logan's fight with Trina. She was still as self-involved and cruel as she had been years ago and Veronica had run into her at the Echolls mansion. She didn't care about Logan's pain due to his mother's brutal death. He'd been crushed when Trina had descended amongst the common people dressed as Lynn. That was a deliberately cruel move, an obvious indication of Trina's carelessness as far as Logan was concerned. All his hope that Lynn hadn't plunged to her death evaporated. Thus the drunken rendition of Tom Cruise's Risky Business. When she had seen him jump from the stage onto the gym floor, her eyes couldn't help but rise to the friendly neighborhood deputy sheriff Leo that could easily arrest Logan for public intoxication. The blame would fall on her. Logan wouldn't be arrested if she hadn't been there with Leo, so it would be her fault. Why she suddenly cared about him, she couldn't explain. Maybe she had never stopped caring about Logan, even when she hated him and he hurt her.

Thankfully, Leo only laughed and shrugged off Logan's drunkenness with a condescending, "Every class has one."

His tone suggested that he thought less of Logan because of his move, and honestly, a few weeks ago, she would have too. Now things were different. Now she understood. Unfortunately.

Duncan left Meg's side when he'd seen Logan slide around on stage. He had to help Logan leave the gym before the good principal came in and suspended Logan for being drunk on school property. Knowing his friend, Logan probably had more alcohol tucked up his sleeve or something. Logan had no doubt lost his mind. Duncan had seen it start to happen at the memorial service for Lynn Echolls. But Duncan had been too self-involved in his own pain to really do anything to help his best friend. It pained Duncan to see his best friend like that. Logan subdued, which had been Logan directly after the suicide, had been odd. Logan falling into insanity hurt. Only one insane friend per relationship and Duncan had always monopolized that role. To Duncan, it seemed he would have to step back from his starring role and let Logan take it over.

Duncan understood Logan's pain over losing someone. Sure, relationships of mother and sister were very different, but the general dull ache inside their chest was the same. Both had been lost violently, Lilly to homicide, Lynn to suicide, but the emotion was the same. Logan's world had crumbled, but it would fall back into place. Duncan's had, even if it had taken a few months and several bottles of happy pills. Logan would make it, apparently with his good buddy, Jack. Sure, Logan still had a while to go, but he would make it. And hopefully without the disease of alcoholism.

Duncan reached out to Logan as he slid around in his socks, but Logan pushed him away roughly. Duncan was surprised by the amount of force in Logan's push – he could feel Logan's hatred in it - but Duncan wouldn't let that stop him. He would help Logan, even if it meant that Logan would start loathing him.

"Come on, man, let's go."

"But I just got here, **_man_**, and the dance has hardly even started."

"I know that, but we can go somewhere else to party."

"Like you know how to party anymore. Those pills stopped your ability to have fun. Besides, Duncan, you planned Glitterfest 2005 here. I want to enjoy the glitter."

Logan's condescending smirk appeared as he did a little spin to show his dance moves. "And with this totally killer music, I won't be able to tear myself away."

Duncan ignored all of Logan's digs, but continued on with his mission to get him to leave. "Come on, Logan. You're going to get suspended or something."

"Suspended! Oh, what would I do if I was forbidden to come to the school for a long period of time?"

Duncan sighed loudly. He reached out to grab Logan's arm again, but Logan was far from being receptive to Duncan's help.

"Leave me the hell alone, Duncan. You don't know anything, all right? You don't know what you're talking about half the time."

"I know you're upset about losing your mom. I understand that. I've been in a daze for months since Lilly died."

The mention of dearly departed Lilly Kane cast a pall over the saccharinely decorated gymnasium. The paper hearts and shining gold glitter seemed extremely out of place with the discussion that was occurring. Logan's inebriated show was suddenly no longer amusing. It was no longer a show anymore. The mention of the murdered teenager made the whole situation real. No longer was it just about Logan's mother's suicide, it was about someone they knew.

"Oh, yeah. You lost Lilly. So you know everything now, right? Of course. DUNCAN KANE, EVERYBODY! What doesn't Duncan know about?"

Logan voice was full of unexpected bitterness towards his best friend while he began to clap sarcastically. Duncan definitely hadn't predicted the amount of hate Logan seemed to have towards him. The hurt of his friend's words as well as his tone appeared on Duncan's face. Duncan had never been good at hiding his emotions from other people. His face _always _showed what he was feeling.

Veronica didn't miss the look on Duncan's face. She recognized it immediately and stepped forward on her own, away from Leo. If Logan was in the mood to harass someone, it might as well be her. She'd fight back, unlike Duncan.

"Logan…" She said it in her gentlest tone. She didn't want to provoke Logan, because honestly, it wouldn't take much. But she was ready for him to attack, just in case he was inclined to hassle her. He whirled drunkenly to focus on Veronica's face. He grinned at her, almost a normal smile, but it was shadowed by darkness. His mouth twisted mockingly before he began to speak.

"Veronica Mars. Now you know what I'm feeling, don't ya?"

She nodded at him and waited for him to finish with some sort of dig about her mother leaving.

"Lost your mom, lost your friend, lost your sterling reputation - "

"And I still manage to live, Logan. However do I do it?"

He chuckled in surprising amusement, before he slid around on his socks in a sort of dance move. Veronica watched him carefully and Logan knew it. His face faltered, almost undetectably, but Veronica saw it. She knew that it would be her chance to get him to leave.

"Are we going to bond now, Veronica? Hold hands and sing Kumbayah?"

"I was thinking Amazing Grace would be more fitting, but the song choice is up to you. We just need to leave before we do start singing."

She reached out to him, the same way Duncan had only minutes before. This time, though, he didn't push the hand away. Veronica's gripped his arm and she spoke softly again.

"Come on, Logan. Let's go. This dance is hardly fun."

"Can we go get drunk?"

"You're already trashed."

"But you're not!"

Veronica sent him a small smile before she tugged him down the cleared path.

"We'll see, Logan."

Logan began to stumble along with Veronica, much to the dismay of Duncan and the rest of the dance attendees. Veronica and Logan were hardly close, personal friends anymore. The fact that Logan seemed to be choosing Veronica over Duncan was astonishing. For over ten years, it had always been Duncan and Logan. Oddly enough, now Logan seemed move comfortable with Veronica.

Duncan seemed shocked. Not because Logan wanted to be with Veronica. There had been a time when Duncan would have turned to Veronica as well. That time had passed, unfortunately. What hurt was the fact that Logan wouldn't turn to him. He was supposed to best friends with Logan, yet Logan seemed intent to shut him out as far as Lynn was concerned. Logan actually seemed intent to shut everyone out besides Veronica. Maybe because Veronica's mom had deserted her just as Lynn had deserted him. Or maybe it was because Veronica was objective as far as Lynn was concerned. Veronica would tell Logan the truth without sugarcoating it. Veronica cared enough about him not to hurt him, but she would still be honest with him. Logan probably wanted that. Duncan was hardly objective as far as Logan's well being was concerned. All the same, it hurt to see Logan go with Veronica and it hurt to see Veronica look at Logan with gentle eyes and to watch her comfort him almost tenderly. Perhaps a twinge of jealousy to see his best friend and ex-girlfriend become close had popped up inside of Duncan - even when Duncan had sort of moved on to Meg.

Duncan stepped away from Logan while his thoughts whirled tumultuously in his head. He wouldn't stand in the way of Logan finding some kind of comfort…no matter where it came from. He wanted Logan to have someone, at least.

Veronica glanced back at Leo with an apologetic look, though after his insensitive comment about Logan, she wasn't positive she was sorry about it. She could rail Logan, but watching someone who didn't know him do it wasn't acceptable, even if he deserved it.

She also turned to send Duncan a similar look. No matter what happened between them, she didn't want Duncan to think she was trying to replace him. She just knew what Logan was going through. She understood it. She didn't have much time to wonder about their odd kinship because Logan suddenly flung his arm around Veronica's should, narrowly missing hitting her face, and announced loudly,

"Just like old times, huh, Ronnie?"

She flinched at his tone, but instead of jerking away from him, she let them walk out of the gym like that with no reply.

Veronica pulled in front into the small beach parking lot. Logan had doubled over, trying to stop himself from throwing up. Veronica sat there for a moment after she turned the ignition off. She studied him, her eyes regarding the pained body in front of her.

"You all right, Logan?"

"Great. I love nausea. It gives me something to think about."

Veronica bit back a smile before putting her hand on Logan's back. She moved it in a methodical, comforting circle while he groaned loudly in pain.

"Let's get out of the car, Logan. The fresh air will do you good."

"But will the ocean do me good? I'm not you or Lilly, you know."

He lifted his head and tried to steady himself. Veronica wondered how Logan had known they were at the ocean. She wondered how he knew she liked the ocean.

"How'd you know we were at the ocean? You've had your head between your legs the whole way here."

"I know you, Veronica Mars. I know you like the ocean, like Lilly did. I know that the ocean makes you feel better, for some reason, and I figured this is where you'd bring me. You want me to feel better. You wouldn't take me to your apartment and you wouldn't take me home. So where would you take me? I'm drunk, not dumb."

Veronica hated that he seemed to know her so well. He had summed up her love of the ocean in a few short sentences. And he was Logan Echolls. He wasn't supposed to know that. He wasn't supposed to know that she came here, because it made her feel closer to Lilly or that she felt less important standing next to the water. But he did. She could see it in his eyes.

"Well, I know you, Logan. And you'll come out onto the beach, eventually, even if it takes you three hours to get to the water, and when you do make it out here, I'll be doing everything I can to stop you from drowning yourself in the surf."

The minute the words were out of Veronica's mouth, she regretted them. She hadn't been thinking, hadn't thought about how Lynn had done herself in, and she knew Logan had been. The look on his face caused her physical pain, the shock and hurt that showed.

"Logan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Didn't mean to remind me that my mother drowned herself after probably having one too many drinks? She always seemed to be having one too many drinks, but she always seemed to hold her liquor well. Maybe that's why I can."

"This is holding your liquor well?"

Logan sighed, and then hesitated, unsure of whether he could remove himself from the car. He wanted to prove that Veronica didn't know him, but he did want to go out onto the beach. He wasn't sure if he could even sit up straight in Veronica's tiny car. Tiny car for a tiny person. How he'd folded himself into it, he couldn't remember. He could hardly remember walking to the car. He could hardly remember why he'd downed a bottle of Jack Daniels. Hardly was the key word. The pain was fuzzier, but not completely gone. He still felt it. He couldn't quite make it fade. He wasn't supposed to. Pain was a regular part of his life. Without it, he'd likely not know what to do with himself.

He stiffened at Veronica's light touch this time. She seemed to be trying to nurture him or something weird like that and he couldn't stand it. His head was finally out of his lap, but the prospect of moving was nauseating. So were the remnants of the alcohol in his body. Veronica saw how tense he was, but she didn't know how to comfort him. Logan shied away from her, so Veronica got out of the car stubbornly. If he didn't want her to help him, she wouldn't. No skin off her nose.

Logan struggled with the door handle, but finally pushed the door away from the car. He sort of rolled out of the car and landed roughly on the sand. He let his face sink into the grain while Veronica stood by, watching him, no longer in the mood to help him. He lay still for a few moments, breathing in the salty sea air as the sand pushed against his face. He was almost relaxed.

Veronica watched him curiously. She was used to dealing with drunken classmates, but she'd never known one to have a real reason for getting drunk. Logan cornered the market on reasons to get drunk, and until this moment, Veronica had never been sympathetic to an intoxicated person. But she knew the pain that Logan felt. Her sympathy towards Logan put her in an emotional tailspin and she had no idea how to stop it. This was Logan Echolls - destroyer of her universe, but suddenly he was real to her again. He wasn't just the jerk that only spoke to her to make fun of her now. He was Logan Echolls, her old friend again. She no longer knew which end was up. She no longer wanted to think about it.

Logan finally pulled himself up to the point of being almost straight. He began to stagger to the ocean, the sound of the waves roaring in his ears. He'd never known the ocean to be so loud. Suddenly, he felt like running to the water. He wanted to float until he couldn't float anymore. But that would be the easy way out. Suicide. His mother had taken the easy way out. Hadn't even thought about what would happen when she left him behind to his father. She probably thought it wouldn't be any different than when she was there. She could never stop it. She never really tried. She had tried to stop it at first, but when she'd seen that it was futile, she had drunk herself into a stupor and kept herself there. Now he was doing the same thing. Logan stopped staggering when he felt the water hit his toes through his socks. He flopped down pathetically on the sand and let the waves wash up around his legs.

Veronica was much more slow getting to the water than Logan had been. She'd followed behind him, to make sure he didn't fall backwards or something. She watched him closely as he lay out in the night air with the water surrounding the lower half of his body and she envied him for a moment. He seemed so at ease where he was. She'd never felt that at ease. She slid down next to him, removing the fishnet hose she still had on from the dance, and let the water slide around her as well. She didn't speak to Logan, not for several moments, she just let the water slip over her legs.

"Why do you think they leave? Are we not good enough for them to stay? Or are we too good for them?"

Veronica sighed at Logan's question. He was too drunk to be asking philosophical questions. She was too tired to answer them.

"I don't know, Logan. I've stopped trying to figure out why my mom couldn't come to me with her problems and why she decided it was best for her to leave me behind. I know why she left, but I don't care. I want to know why she couldn't trust me with her reasons. But I'll never know why she didn't talk to me. And I've stopped thinking I would find out."

"I know the reasons my mom committed…" he stumbled over the last word, "suicide. They're just not good enough for me. There has to be another reason for it, besides my mom hated my dad. If we all killed ourselves because we hated who we lived with, this world would be very, very small."

Veronica could see why he would search for a better reason. She would. She just didn't know how to help him find the answers. Logan would likely never know all the reasons that Lynn had killed herself, just as she would never know why Lianne didn't ask Keith for help with the blackmail or to Veronica with the reasons she had to leave. But that wouldn't stop her from searching for answers, the same way Logan wouldn't stop.

"This is too weird of a night for us to be having this conversation, Logan."

"Lilly'd be proud to see us out here together." Logan said, changing the subject.

"Yeah. She'd laugh at us for talking, though. She'd tell us this was the perfect opportunity for us to make out. You're not even wearing pants."

Logan burst into laughter, knowing that what Veronica said was true. Lilly would be rolling on the ground laughing at them for being all philosophical and deep while intoxicated. He liked thinking of Lilly, when she'd make fun of him. He liked remembering her spirit about things like that.

"She'd probably insist that you come onto me, since she's not here to do it."

Veronica twisted her neck to look at Logan. The two stared at each other fairly intensely, and Veronica looked as if she was considering what Logan had said. He was too fuzzy to think about what she was doing as she leaned in to kiss him. Logan just closed his eyes and waited for it to happen. He could feel her lips hovering over his and all he wanted was to feel her on him, feel her touch him. He just wanted to feel something different from pain. He waited a bit too long, so when he finally opened his eyes after no contact he saw Veronica's sparkling green eyes staring at him.

She started to giggle and she propped herself up on her elbow. She grinned at Logan, "You know, she'd like that I made you think I'd come onto you even better. You were totally waiting for me to kiss you."

Logan didn't feel embarrassed. He didn't even care that she didn't kiss him. Her joke had been funny. Even he admitted that. And she was right. Lilly would find that hysterical.

Logan rolled over and hit Veronica, knocking her elbow down so her head hit the sand, while for the first time not thinking about his mother's death. Spending that time talking about Lilly, joking with Veronica, was enough to make him forget, unlike his drinking friend, Jack Daniels. He felt normal for a second, with the aide of the alcohol in his blood stream and the odd, hard girlishness Veronica provided. He wouldn't question it. Not tonight.

Veronica laughed and reached down to splash water in Logan's face. He grabbed for her hands, though he didn't quite reach them. After all, he was a little too tipsy to catch the sober Veronica. Veronica didn't stop their playfulness, she didn't want to stop Logan from smiling. She didn't want to have to think about blackmail or murder for a few moments. She wanted to relax and have fun. The pair played around in the sand like children who were carefree, even when one was trying to get over his mother's suicide and the other was trying to figure out if it was normal for mothers to leave their children behind. They laughed and forgot that they weren't really friends anymore. They forgot that people left and they'd be alone again, like always. Because tomorrow, things would be back to the way they used to be. Dark. Dreary. Horrid. Unpredictable. And lonely.


End file.
